michaelface

Graduate School Line-up

pandasandlions@aim.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 07:36:03 GMT

Edinboro
MICA
MASS Art
Penn State
University of Indiana in Bloomington
Temple University - Tyler
Bowling Green State
WVU

-sigh, mumble- Still applying. Scary.

some random art appreciation...

pandasandlions@aim.com — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 23:29:17 GMT

Cy Twombly's work rocks my world. So elegant.

It's, like, Fall.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 06:34:11 GMT

Things have been hectic, but I've somehow survived.

Getting this show put together has been nearly impossible with the little time I've had outside of school and work. To fix this, I've decided that I'm going to shrink down my work availability. Granted, this will be hard on me bills-wise, it'll allow me the time to focus. Fuck, this is only the beginning, and I'm already freaking out.

Aside from all of that mess, Meredith and I had dinner tonight. It was a lot of fun, despite the frightening numbers of WVU enthusiasts occupying the roads. I have no problem with you liking football or what-have-you, but please, pretty please, do not run me off of the interstate just because you're wanting to make it to a game on time.

Also, I've changed up my wardrobe a bit. It's a gradual move, but a good one I think. I'm finding that I like dressier clothes now, so I've been stocking up. I think it'll be a good decision, especially for future interviews, dates, occasions, etc. I bought my first bottle of Chanel cologne the other day. Does this mean I'm a big boy now?

Yeah, I'm broodier than Fiona Apple on her birthday.

So..

pandasandlions@aim.com — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 03:47:55 GMT

I managed to fix the senior show situation. Dr. Hollinger understood my situation and was more than willing to schedule my show during the weekend instead of a weekday. So my mom will be able to attend my exhibit after all. Telling her the news was so great. You could hear so much relief in her voice over the phone.

So yeah, good stuff.

Oh, and I might be going here (see below) come Spring. It's a big might, but the fact that its a possibility is kind of exciting.

Um, yep. PRETTY EXCITED. I hope this will work out. If not, then I could always plan it again someday.

:)

pandasandlions@aim.com — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:12:29 GMT

I stumbled upon this last night:

Kind of neat!

I've officially started the work for my show. I received some encouraging words from one of my professors today. I'm looking forward to this so much.

November 16. I can do this.

Voice Post

pandasandlions@aim.com — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 04:51:39 GMT

oh hi, this is me whining or something like it.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 06:42:21 GMT

When seeing livejournals or facebook pages of people who seem indisputably happy, I wonder if they really are that happy, or if it is only a front. Granted, I don't wish sadness or loss upon anyone, but I've wondered if they're as happy as they are because they've simply never experienced anything significantly troublesome. Don't misunderstand, I'm grateful for what I have. I'm damn lucky to have a roof over me and the opportunity to be in school. I think I just envy people who seem so carefree...like the biggest thing they have to worry about out of their day is getting the right coffee at starbucks or impressing some guy or girl. That, or they're always going somewhere, like to the beach or somewhere relaxing. I just don't have time to focus on things like that. I can't conceive of having so much leisure time.

I just feel so weighed down by my responsibilities. Money gets tight, I become mercilessly frugal to the point where I end up on a diet consisting of cereal and ramen noodles for a week. Despite all of this, I always manage to find comfort, but I remain envious of the people who have it so easy. What makes it worse is that I work with people who live with their parents, and the only thing they freak out about is the bill for their i-phone service or this silly fucking tattoo they want.

Aside from the aforementioned, this will be a tough semester. I've been getting up early every morning and going to the studio to work on my art for my senior exhibition. Granted this show is in November, I'm trying to plan ahead so I'll have something I'm completely and totally proud of. I can't half-ass it. The scariness of the situation is starting to kick in, I think. This is my future, so I have to work hard if I want this to mean anything at all.

meh, I'm going to bed. Long day tomorrow, most likely.

alright.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Sun, 10 May 2009 06:19:21 GMT

Things are okay.

Financial Aid went through wonderfully this year. Three scholarships, two loans, and two grants. Actually, I think I'm going to be taken care of for once...

Whetstone has finally been published. I'm thrilled with the way it turned out. The first set of distributed issues basically flew off of the stands. So happy with the outcome. Very proud.

Through all of the depression and all of the losses, I'm happy with the way things are turning now. I'm finally getting a grip on myself. I'm very lucky to have who I have in my life.

farewell.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 05:23:36 GMT

Goodbye livejournal. Hello, wordpress. I realize that no one will keep up with it, but whatever. After much contemplation, I decided I was aching for something new, specifically a legitimate art journal.

To my close online friends:

AIM: pandas and lions
Email: msmith20@fairmontstate.edu

I do not intend on losing touch from you guys, so yeah. Hit my sorry bitch-ass up sometime.

So much has went down within the span of this journal, and I just think it's time for something new and positive.

trying not to panic...

pandasandlions@aim.com — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 06:01:16 GMT

Okay so my work schedule is totally getting in the way of my school schedule. And I just found out I have a critique at 6:30pm on Wednesday, and I'm scheduled to work 3-12pm.

I also have to work until 1am on my school nights of which I'll have to wake up around 7am the next day.

Definitely ready to rip my hair out. I. don't. know. what. to. do.

Something is going to have to give.

Intense.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 04:47:23 GMT

Oh, how the subject adequately sets the theme for these past couple of weeks. All in all, I'm still kickin'.

Twenty-two hours of classes over top of thirty hour work weeks. I honestly do not know how I'm managing things as well as I have been. I allowed myself to indulge with Megan over coffee tonight at Starbucks. It was a good time, very relaxed, very chilled. It felt nice to escape the multitude of tasks I've had to engage in over these three weeks.

I kicked butt on my first set of Hollinger papers. 24.5 out of 25, just because I made a boo-boo and used "distinguishment" instead of "distinction". I know, total dumb-ass mistake. I have no idea as to what bucket I pulled "distinguishment" out of...

I suppose that was my valiant effort in inventing a word, haha. But seriously, when you're given ten minutes to write as much as possible about the comparative qualities found within the compositions of Jackson Pollock and Barnett Newman, you tend to want to bullshit as a means of resolving your point. I do feel like I'm slowly but surely getting back into the ~groove~ of art theory.

Aside from school related topics, I've been doing well. The anniversary of Dad's death is approaching. September 15th. I go through intervals where I'm completely numb, but then I reach moments where I fall apart. I suppose I'm doing well, considering. It's just lonely, sometimes. My heart feels incredibly heavy for Mom. I can't imagine how she's handling the reality of this...

I can at least discuss it publicly now, without crumbling. I guess that is a step.

I can only hope that things will brighten this year for us. I'm working my ass off, so I'm assuming distraction is key.

Knock on wood.

hay

pandasandlions@aim.com — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 04:06:49 GMT

Busy, busy, busy...

School has been absolutely fantastic. I adore every single class, every single professor...I'm just in love with it all. I'm going to be pushing out paintings like a mad-man. I'm supposed to produce (I made this calculation in my head, so it very well may vary) 30 paintings by the end of this semester. I'm also in Hollinger's Art Since 1950 class. The content is a bit daunting, but it's going to be when you're reading and writing about marxist critics discussing avant-garde and kitsch.

I'm hoping my job will continue to be gracious with my hours. So far, so good. But yeah, I don't think I've sat down until yesterday evening.

In all, I'm excited, I look forward to what this semester might bring.

Everything is good.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 04:31:52 GMT

I think I'm going to find happiness this year. Something tells me that this semester is going to be a significant one. I'm beginning to feel true happiness again, and that alone floors me more than I ever thought possible. My heart is mending to what it used to be.

I suppose I've finally dealt with things, and now, the picture is almost clear.

a quickie..

pandasandlions@aim.com — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 08:08:10 GMT

I really miss having days off.

So today at work, I was offered a management position. I'd be in charge of stock count, shipment, window visuals, and would pretty much be one of the leaders on duty on the floor. I'm going with my gut and deciding not to take it. I just want to stay away from the hastle, strain, blame, and everything else negative that could very well go with it. Plus, I'm needing a job closer to Fairmont. This driving 30 minutes south down the interestate gig has gotten me a little sick and tired. Plus I'm having to hold back on my groceries, which kind of gets me angry at myself.

At first, I really wanted to take the promotion, but then I thought about the fact that I'd be taking 18 hours again next semester, and would be sacrificing my studio and homework time. I just have a good feeling about this semester, for once, and I really do not want anything to distract me from my work this year.

I've been working on this painting. It still needs quite a bit of fine tuning, but I think I'm kind of getting somewhere. I'm deciding that I need to begin working on a larger scale. Christ, I'm excited about area studies this year.

oh blah blah

pandasandlions@aim.com — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:14:20 GMT

Hello again, livejournal.

I had a fabulous week at home. Strawberry frescos, movies, Kelli Jackson, Shirley Temples, and my momma. The drive home was irritating considering the fun I had.

I have to say that I'm actually looking forward to this coming semester. Of course, I refuse to get my hopes up because nine times out of ten, I end up sorely disappointed. Whatever, though. These classes look promising, unlike my last semester. I hoping for some old fashioned, good-hearted change. Mom keeps telling me that this will be my year. We'll see I guess. I'm definitely going to try and push out some work this semester. Some lovely, free train to grad-school work. Fuckin' serious.

Work is work, but it's getting difficult with this sudden spike in gas prices. It's reaching the result of my having to cut back on groceries just to afford the drive to work. If this keeps up, I'll most likely have to seek closer employment in Fairmont, which sucks because I really like my job now. I look so forward to the day when this paycheck to paycheck mess will be a distant memory.

oh hey lj.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:55:54 GMT

So I'm on a strict workout regimen. Running, ab crunches, etc. Every night before I go to bed, then every morning. So far, no results, but then again, I've just started. I despise this type of stuff.

I've gained some highly unnecessary summer weight caused by mall lunches, eating out, no excersize, and passing out for hours after working these 4pm to 1am shifts every other night. Last night, I didn't get out of work until around 2am. So lame.

My job has me working as a visuals expert now, well they're training me to be a visuals expert that is. There will not be an increase in pay or anything. It just means that I'll have to work late every time we get in new shipment. Basically, I help our Flow Expert layout the entire store. Blegh. Therefore I have many late shifts back to back. It's kind of off-setting, considering I can no longer get a good night's sleep to save my life.

Oh well though, I'm supposedly a miracle-worker.

Ohio in about three days. I'm actually excited. I need a well-deserved break from here.

On today's agenda, haircut, car inspection, Meredith time, then work from 4-1am.

father's day.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:36:17 GMT

So I got through Father's Day in one piece. It's a wonder, really. Especially considering I work retail, and random strangers ask me, "So what are you doing with your dad with this father's day."

I really just wanted to make something up, just so I could believe that I'd actually be seeing him. It's kind of sick, I guess. I just miss him. It's still something that hasn't eased up. Being faced with the fact that he is no longer leaves me feeling so repressed sometimes.

Meredith is fantastic. She's been keeping me on track more than anyone in this hell-hole. It's really hard to stay optimistic when you live in WV, let alone Fairmont. It's so small, and is such an easy reminder of everything that could have possibly went wrong. I can't wait for the day of my Fairmont departure. So bittersweet.

Anyway she made a valuable point the other day. "When someone dies, the relationship you had with them isn't over, only their life on earth." That definitely jolted me a bit. I think I'm healing. It's absolutely frightening but comforting. The relationship is still with me though. I'm adamant about keeping it alive.

Work is going alright, I suppose. My schedule this week is something to look forward to. I'd like to spend time with my mom. I worry about her sometimes. There are times when I really give myself hell for living here over the summer. I'm sure she's so lonely, being where she is and all.

I think good things will be in store for next year. I hope I'm not shooting myself in the foot once again by thinking so. Maybe I'm right this time.

Oh, cross your fingers for me.

hola

pandasandlions@aim.com — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 07:38:23 GMT

Back to brown. It's nice to meet you again, old self.

Things have been as good as they could be, I suppose. Of course along with comfort comes my everlasting doubt. For instance, I'm very worried about school. I'm hoping I can push out some loans for two more years. Although I'm a senior, the curriculum for what I'm studying makes it difficult to graduate quickly, especially considering I opted for a double major. I've been thinking about moving to Columbus once I graduate. I swore to myself I'd never move back to Ohio, but it's appearing as if this will be the best option for me financially. I'll live with Mom more than likely because getting my own place will simply be out of the question when throwing all of the loans into the equation. It's stressful. I suppose should stop harping over it and move on to another topic.

Work has been okay. I've been getting by the best I can, I guess.

The apartment has come along wonderfully throughout the summer. It's really turning into a home for me. I feel so at ease here, despite hearing my neighbors upstairs having their religious thundering sex above me. It's not a great thing to wake up to when I have to work a nine hour shift the following day. Maybe I'm just jealous. Could be.

busy bee

pandasandlions@aim.com — Tue, 27 May 2008 08:38:16 GMT

Had my hair cut a few days ago. It's short short now. I've really grown to resent ever having bangs. Maybe one day, I'll miss them.

Scheduled for Fall 2008 classes, finally. After having one class cancelled, then another close before I could register, I finally think I have it in full gear:

-Art History since 1950
-Advanced Painting Concepts
-Area Studies
-Sculpture
-Reporting
-Reporting Lab
-World Literature I

I look forward to school, this fall. I hope I can find it in myself to produce excellent work. This summer seems to be winding me down quite a bit. I'm actually enjoying it.

The next paycheck should be a big one, but then I have my rent coming up shortly after, so I'll be kissing it goodbye. Oh well. Also, Meredith took me to her families big Spanish bbq today. It was fun. I absolutely love her family.

Notes to self:
-diet soon - lose 10 lbs.
-look into Elvis Costello tickets
-be tighter with the money

++why hello

pandasandlions@aim.com — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 07:21:24 GMT

I've been wanting to start a new blog to focus more on my art, my interests, etc., so I made one. Here it is:

http://pandasandlions.blogspot.com

I've had livejournal for well over seven years now, so I figured it was time to try something new. It'll be nice to have something I can use to document my progress as an artist. I do plan on using it frequently, so feel free to bookmark. I promise, this one will not collect dust. I understand I'm quite bad about that.

I don't know if I'm going to use livejournal for awhile. I just feel like I'm at a point where I've said everything. Anything I could possibly say outside of my studies would now be pretty redundant.

March is going to be a busy month. Hopefully, I'll get to spend my spring vacation back home with Mom for a week. I'm going to beg and plead with my managers to let me do so. I haven't seen Mom since December, so it's obviously time for a visit. I hope they're willing to seek it through with me on this. I'm smothering here.

Aside from this, my best friend is getting married and she has hired me as the photographer of her wedding. Super excited about that!

I hope you guys are doing well. Love, love, and more of it.

M

Music

pandasandlions@aim.com — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 06:41:07 GMT

I've come to realize lately that I'm going to persue singing, and be more studious about it than I have been.

When Dad was alive, he wanted a career in it for me so much. I think that is one of the few things he really wanted, was to see me with a successful music career. Soooo, I am going to try it. If it works, it works, if not, then oh well. I've wasted enough time in being scared whether people will think I have an ugly voice. Getting scared gets me no where, a lesson I learned a few years ago now that I'm applying to this whole thing.

So yeah. Please visit my music myspace:

Click Here to Listen

As of right now, it consists mostly of cover songs, with a couple of songs I've written. Maybe one of my own songs since I fooled around with it earlier. What a poor memory I have.

So yeah, if you like, please add me. I'd greatly appreciate it, and will do much in return, if needed. I just really want to my stuff heard.

workin'

pandasandlions@aim.com — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 06:37:15 GMT

A representation of my exhaustion.

What a busy fellow I've been. It has been hard keeping up with my classes, my job, and gig as graphic designer for the school this semester. I'd like to think I'm one who can balance things well, but I'm not. Instead, I try to get everything accomplished at once, only to find myself swimming way in over my head. Soooo good at doing this to myself. You'd think I'd learn.

So I'm seriously considering tattoos now. I'd like to get some floral work modeled after Mucha either on my back, or on my upper arm. If I get something, I want it to be something timeless and meaningful, and his work always struck a chord in me. I'd also like to get a mockingbird on me somewhere, considering Dad used to try and sing with them on the front porch during Summer. It aggravates me how people get them as a means of shock or measure of coolness. They have potential to be such story-tellers of a person. That's just my asshole take on it, I suppose. I'd like to hope some would agree.

As for my job at the Gap, groovy. I got employee of the month for january, earned us five gap cards in a 9 to 5pm shift which definitely isn't easy, and won a Starbucks gift card. It's kind of silly that I get all excited over this crap, but it's always a good feeling to know your hard work is valued.

I do work hard for the money. I've got a mouth to feed, and it's on my face.

Anyway, this is enough. I have to haul myself out of bed at 6:45 AM. Not a good time.

twitching eye...

pandasandlions@aim.com — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:21:07 GMT

It's hilarious how the only the I have to update about anymore is the fact that I have nothing to update about. Yeah.

School has been school. I'm always tired. I'd love to just have a small break; something long enough for me to catch up on sleep and feel rejuvenated...

I've been thinking about creating a blog exclusively for my taste in art and music. If I decide to go through with the idea, I'll post a link.

As tired as I am though, I feel like I've been doing pretty well for myself. I'd just really enjoy a nap. Really.

Hola amigos.

pandasandlions@aim.com — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 17:31:46 GMT

Things are steady/good. Get ready for some random.

School has been keeping me busy, but busy is what I need. I'm decided I'm going to kick college's ass this semester. I just feel very driven. As much as I hate Fairmont, if I'm going to get both of my degrees here, I had better put all of myself into it, instead of just walking the tightrope.

I picked up some music from the library: an album by Edith Piaf, and an album with various 60's jazz singers. I'm excited to add more to my music collection.

I'm going to start painting again, soon. I have an idea of a series of works I'm going to start playing around with, soon. I also plan on working with my graphic design. I'm going to try and create a nice portfolio this semester. Last semester was a bad time in nearly all aspects, so now that I'm working with a clean slate, I find it necessary to improve. I have no excuses, and I will use no excuses.

Aside from all of this, there is no other big news. My eyeball keeps twitching. I guess that's news.

Yeah. K, bye.

sleepy eyes

pandasandlions@aim.com — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 02:04:53 GMT

---sighhhh---

Spring semester begins tomorrow. Not too excited about it.

This has definitely not been the best of weeks. I hurt my toe at work, so I've been soaking it in epsom salt every night before going to bed. I dropped a giant denim board on it a couple of days ago. I won't even lie, it brought tears to my eyes. Also, upon arriving home from work, I turn on my laptop only to find the hard-drive finally burnt out on it. No, I didn't get the dreaded blue screen of demise, but instead experienced the black screen of death.

So yeah, major inconvenience there, considering I'm designing posters for the school this semester. To think I had all of my new adobe software on it and a lot of new graphic work makes me sick to my stomach. Mom keeps telling me I should just invest in a new laptop, but I just can't do it right now. I have too much to worry about. In all honesty, it was an old laptop. I had it since early 2004. I think after years of it messing up and being repaired, it finally met its maker, and by that I don't mean the manufacturer.

Aside from everything sucking at an unbelievable high, I love living on my own. The apartment is definitely starting to feel like a home. I'm slowly but surely finding small things here and there to pull it together. Meredith and I watched the second season of Weeds last night. Needless to say, I'm dead set on the third season coming out on DVD. It's killing me. That show is the only source of happiness I need anymore. I'm pathetic, shut up.

As for everything else, I guess I'm still adjusting. Starting a new year has been a bit difficult. It's kind of jolting, realizing how much things have changed within only a semester. I guess change is inevitable though. I've found that with time, we can deal with far more than we think we can. I still don't get how I haven't given up yet. I think it narrows down to not having a choice. Yeah.

I'm not whining though. I realize things could be far worse. Lately, I'm trying to focus on the now instead of the later. It's been working out nice, so far.

2008 has to be a good year. For the love of humanity.